A Day In The Life of King Henry VIII
By Henry Tudor

Get up early the King will rise soon
Warm his silver handles and ready the room.
Get all the clothing for riding his sport
He’ll expect his things ready, for failure is nought.

Five thirty he rises and readies to ride
Wash his person and dress him, in leather raw hide
He sends out his runners with horses to wait
Then out he goes hunting, spares wait at each gate.

Hunting until dinner at eleven o’clock
He returns to a fanfare, redresses in smock.
Dines with his courtiers until both sittings fed
Then off for a rest and read poems in bed.

To dress a blunt stone with nap on the edge
A sleep will sharpen this King’s witty knowledge.
A fresh suit will hasten immediate response
For some will attempt to beat his defence.

Now the time has arrived to meet important folk
Ambassadors, Princes, all intelligently spoke.
Sign off all past matters and create a few new
Start many a ball rolling, affecting the few.

After the signing of important law
Our King now needs to dance out there on the floor.
Brawl and Hive to music so true
One hundred couples glide effortlessly through.

Now the days ends with cards and some wine
Some reading from Bible in Latin this time.
Goodnight dear Henry, go to your huge bed
Then sneak to your small one and sleep there instead.

It is ten in the evening and King falls asleep
Next day just like this one, an appointment to keep.
Will rise again early to catch the deer herd
To think the King lazy must now sound absurd.


Tudor Propaganda
By Henry Tudor

In days of old when Knights were bold
And newspapers had not been invented.
Only word of mouth and acts of theatre
Could tell about Royals from just hearsay, intended.

Old grandmother Margaret led the way to declare Tudor rule
Take my son as your King, he certainly is no fool.
He was descended from the great round table
That dearest King Arthur enhanced by our fable.

We killed the Third of Richard line
The throne for the Tudors is now mine.
Not a usurper, not a coup’
Justice has reigned, a new kingship for you.

Now name the first born to complete the plan
Arthur II, the new Camelot man.
Build up a palace at Richmond place
Named after Henry, a spectacular space.

With spires and bridge a Camelot build
As if Arthur was there, left there by will.
Now, bring back the jousting upon a white horse
The people will love it, belief is the force.

Pembroke and Merlin a bridge down in Wales
Connect it together and fix it with nails.
Our green and white background, his dragon to brag
Create the illusion, create the Welsh Flag.

So thank you dear Margaret of Lancaster great
You solve our big problem, creating our fate.
We Tudors now have credence to rule on our own
Now Arthur is family, the family’s Crown.


The Nether End
By Henry Tudor

Not pausing to think amongst the bedchamber stink
The groom stood there still at the stool.
The King’s toilet, don’t spoilt it
This jobs better than playing the fool.

Next to the stool-room, quiet, dark shadowy gloom
To wipe the King’s personal hind.
A job like this so hard and scarce to find
Least I don’t have to clean with a broom.

The chamber pot, sat in its slot
In the casket with velvet black seat
Empty his bowels and bladder of waste
Then clean his nether end with indifferent haste.

The apothecary tests the contents by taste
Salt is the key to blending this waste
Alter his diet to make him feel good
Keeping a check on diet and food.

Only the gentlemen can handle the King
Touching his person not the done thing.
Dressing with style and elegance too
After washing your hands to rid of the loo.

Manikins called babies wore all the days clothes
Three complete changes kept warm near the stoves.
Only three wearings makes each out of date
Nobody will view this King when not great.

Even the portrait has a secret to tell
The King would not wear it, just pose it so swell.
Of course he must not falter from centre the stage
His costume’s just for portrait, so turn the next page.

The toilet and washing so private that’s true
The dressing, the scenting, known only to few.
Being the groom true secrets depend
Keep sights to yourself about the Royal Nether-end


Last Ditch Attempt
By Henry Tudor

On the top of the Hill the Fort sits and there just wait
For haranguing and lethal armies trying to bait.
Trying to kill you and take all your land
These armies were seen first ashore on the sand.

But Iron won’t stop them, neither will hill
We need to protect all, with no blood to spill.
So dig a deep ditch round the walls where we live
Raise up the outer edge too, that won’t ever forgive.

Lay spikes in the bottom covered in gorse
No man can ever cross it now on his great horse.
The foe will encounter a trap for his path
He must consider his tactics, for no bloody aftermath.

The fort now seems hopeless to take it away
So we’ll retreat back to our camp, a failure today.
We’ll stay in the circle and starve them to death
But they have a secret so not hold our breath.

A tunnel and passage, from top to the wood
But trying to find it seemingly no good.
The Fort has now beat us and we will depart
The Ditch was the answer, right from the start.

Only desperate measures will make me try it once more
Finding the tunnel would help to endure.
Pushing harder and harder no energy exempt
Only foolhardy deliverance my last ditch attempt.



The Verge

By Henry Tudor

Don’t step within my boundary whole
The manner’s good and not to toil.
Take care dear lord, not to fight
The loss of hand is our right.

Bring servant too with health to back
To care for you, not too slack.
Higher thoughts may comprehend
Get family now, for them do send.

Passing the gate now higher still
Be trusted more and riches fill.
But take heed sir don’t rock the boat
This master may sink your Royal float.

Keep all secrets in your head
Not even talk in pillared bed.
Power bleeds fast when turned around
The King turns quicker, guilt is found.

To keep your head and not risk all
Stay away, not need to fall.
Keep your ambitions below a surge
Stay on your side of the Verge.

Def: The Verge.
The boundary of all Royal Palaces inside which trust and behaviour had extra significance. The strike another Courtier would mean the loss of the Hand, to talk aloud with Royal secrets would mean the loss of the Head. So the risk of gaining Royal appointed power was great indeed.



Henry Abroad
By Henry Tudor

The role of leader under threat by higher order whom we met
Maximilian Katherines kin, wants to make sure I stay within.
Invite me over to join great fight, beat the French with allied might
But Emperor’s aim was to show me how, he can kill so cold, I’m colder now.
Siege a town poor and weak, show their heels to flee their strength did leak
Cruelty came from Roman King, kill them all burn it down, kill the town.
Sorrow felt to stand unsaid, memories still nightmare my bed
But the lesson was learnt so swift and hard; do not ride against this killer lord.
Now my wife claims greater goal, Scottish war, Kings Head in bowl.
Flodden takes away my glory name, so rename my war though not the same
Battle of the Spurs sounds quite bravado, not really as those who know
Too many people died that day, Emperor’s heart not easy to sway.

Seven years on and France again, trying to find a new allied friend
Francis may help to stem the tide, of bitter movement in Holy stride.
Golden fields of cloth and men, Ten thousand friends together again
Francis and Henry friends to we die, never to shave again say I.
Damsels enact a glorious plot, Sister and Mary then Anne I do spot.
Perseverance her role and aloof was her way, I wanted her close with me from today.
We made a pledge against Roman will; together we could beat this ignorant kill
But alas it broke down when Francis was taken, his nation now Rome’s, its heart forsaken.
The girls returned home to rapturous applause, Mary and Mary and Anne now of course.
A new chapter is breaking in my nation that’s clear, the Roman will pay, and pay he did dear.

Be you Luther or Protest against Roman control, the Emperor is lost now nowhere to go.
The seeds which were planted from plague ridden Church, have now grown so strongly no need to search.

Explanation of poem:
Henry went to help Maximilian to take the town of Therouanne with a pitched battle in the field nearby at Enguinegatte. Maximilian however was using it as a threat to Henry to stay in line with his Empire of Rome and the Pope. By murdering all the people in the town after a long siege the Emperor demonstrated to Henry just what would happen to England if he swayed away. Henry was shocked by this killing of innocents just to make a point and from this day he hated the Emperor and sought new ways to get away from his grip. An alliance was sought with France which was also swaying, and the Field of the Cloth of Gold was meant to be a great Peace and coming together of two powerful Nations which could fight and win against the Holy Roman Empire. During the celebrations the lone figure of Anne Boleyn came to Henry notice during a play by the Royal womenfolk for the two Kings. Francis told Henry he already had Mary Boleyn as his mistress and they both eyed the shy, dark Anne her sister. Ann Boleyn now became an obsession for Henry and within six more years she was his Queen, the Emperor and Pope kicked out of England’s religion and a new era begins. Poor old Francis was captured and imprisoned in Madrid, dying a broken man.


Half Timbering
By Henry Tudor

Top dog with Under dog
Messy way to cut a log.
Tie it down on eight foot stumps,
Making sure there are no nasty lumps.

Debark the wood and fill the hole
The straightest grain, the richest goal.
Lie in River to remove the sap
A long time there, but no time to nap.

The copse is waiting, more to cut
We build a Manor not a hut.
We place the wood in strictest order
Same tree facing round house border.

The house will survive more than man
Pass it on the best you can.
The wood must dry and stay uncoated
Or damp will stay and make it bloated.

Do not Victorian folly make
Paint with tar, a dire mistake.
Will seal in the damp and cause to rot
The wood will last, but Tar will not.

Joint the ends and make it strong
It’s got to be there Centuries long.
It may warp and twist with time
But this house will stay quite sublime.




Make me laugh, Sommers
By Henry Tudor

This comic lad with back so bad, entered my court of fear he had nought.
His age was so young and not highly strung, his smile quite infectious it always affects us.
A Jester of note, wears mock Royal coat, wears hats cocked like mine, clever and sublime.
Nobody came close to be my repose, he knew where the line, but crossed it some time.
He spied on my men, telling me about all of them, he knew where to look, in cellar and book.
Will Sommers the clown, underneath a frown, needed love and comfort, riches never brought.
Too scared of his power, in his jocular tower, stay alone all his life, never found a brave wife.
Clever was Will, always ahead with a thrill, never said a bad word, about me his lord.
Some scathed from the crowd, but never out loud, Will’s whisper was feared, in case it got heard.
Singing and rhyme, jokes all the time, amongst all the strummers, make me laugh Will Sommers.


Jane
By Henry Tudor

The Wolves are now gone from her Hall in the wood
Her father’s so proud her life turned so good.
To marry the King after many did try
She accomplished so much without being sly.

Her life seemed so set, to serve Royalty
Pushed there to get, much closer to me.
Her Brothers all want power to hold
The Seymour clan, are becoming quite bold.

This girl with simple thoughts in her mind
Has conceived a child from the Royal kind.
Maybe a girl. Maybe a boy.
I don’t hold out for much, just hope for the joy.

Not able to read or write her own name
Not able to discuss my level the same.
Just plain old Jane, honest and true
Expecting my child, a beginning that’s new.

If she gives us a boy, she’ll easily win
The hearts of the people, her reign will begin.
Another girl will hurt our plans
Our Fitzroy or Carey, rubbing their hands.

I hope this new marriage will be my last one
Tied up quite soundly by having a son.
My council will offer new plans if not so
A more gentle removal, but she will have to go.

I’ll keep on searching until I find what I want
A wife who can deliver, then baptize in our font.
It may sound cold and heartless this view that I take
But Royalty children should not be a fake.

So Henry’s Fitzroy and Carey, don’t hold your breath
I will try my most hardest, an heir prior to death.
Take heart dearest children, your lot is quite good
Never a poor man, with your Royal Blood.

I pray now to my God, my church and my house
Jane lives here so quietly, just like a mouse.
I believe a boy will come, to take away my pain
I have much hope in my new wife, Jane.


Henry's Pop song, can you create the music to go with it?
If so, record the song and send it to me by email.
HenryTudor@Blueyonder.co.uk
I will choose the best and offer it to a recording studio to produce a CD. Maybe your lucky day! Imagine the video with King Henry.

You You You
By Henry Tudor

You you you, what you doing?
Tryin’ to take over me
You you you why you screwin?
With my mind, just to see!

How how far can you go now?
Just how far can you go?
Keep keep both eyes on me now
I’ll be there, then you’ll know.

Stay stay stay in your zone now
Keep keep track there of me
Play play play with your own now
Stay stay there and be free.

Don’t throw throw your life out now
Follow me and be mine
Keep your thoughts to yourself now
Speak speak speak, and they’re mine.

Run run run and be gone now
Hide hide hide and be true
Keep away from me now
For I’ll take over you.

Live live life free from me now
Stay stay there to be free
It’s not safe near to me now
All I think of is me.

King King King of all you now
King of all I survey
Stay stay stay away from me now
Keep keep keep far away.

Cry cry cry if you want to
Don’t even think you can win
Now my power is so mighty
And my patience is thin.

So stay stay stay away from me now
My throne is mine not to share
Keep keep keep my love with you
‘cos deep deep down I do care.

Deep deep down I do care.
Deep deep down I do care.




Katalina De Aragon
By Henry Tudor

Stay quiet and let him dig his own hole
The deeper he goes will bury his soul
I’ll just bide my time and let people judge
From this high horse I will not budge.

My girl Mary will inherit all
If I keep quiet and wait for his fall
But his search for this impossible son
Will never be won, for he is but done.

My kin Charles will help to relieve
This new church of those to believe
Mary my Queen will take it away
Bring back our Rome to us believers some day.

Come on now Spain and Latin invade
Take this land before our Church doth fade
Take his life and rebirth our own
Take the mass back to each town.

Though I am sick and old and spent
Mary will make these Lord’s repent
She’ll be rid of his new Monarch control
She’ll bring the Pope back into his fold.

Mary’s half sister will serve as a wench
She’ll wear rags, work hard and have a poor stench
No Royal child is this poor lost soul
Her Mother the witch, she is her foal.

But Henry knows now about my new plan
He’s sent me away and as far as he can
Mary’s gone too so she can’t be so near
My end is in sight, no invasion I fear.

But still the people all love me, ignorant though
My plan would have worked but turned out too slow
The Emperor won’t come because of the heat
He’s scared that his men will end in defeat.

My Father is dead, my Mother gone too
My Husband has dumped me, my daughter gone too
Nothing left now, I seem to have done
Just go back to being plain Catherine of Aragon.




Some Say
By Henry Tudor

Some say he was the man of his time
Some say he was a bit of a swine.
Some say he lived for love
Some say he was appointed from above.
Some say the pressure built up
Some say he drank from the cup.
Some say his life was a sham
Some say he’s a cuddly old lamb

Truth is he was a murderer in silk
Truth is he was the worst of his ilk.
Truth is he was a powerful old coward
Truth is so were the Howard’s
Truth is he framed poor Queen Anne
Truth is he was a nasty old man.
Truth is this King’s not on the level
Truth is he’s really the devil.

Believe me I know the truth
Believe me I have the proof.
Believe me this man is not human
Believe me Henry is two men.
Believe me one Henry is true
Believe me, the poems he tells you.
Believe me the other is evil
Believe me his hate will kill.

Just to satisfy his lust and pride
Just to ignore their love inside.
Just to frame his dear wife
Just to take her innocent life
Just to use another devil for gain
Just to give Cromwell a free reign.
Just to appease public dismay
Just to reign over Church today.

Got your own medicine now you're dead
Got your daughter taking the lead.
Got your religion squashed under foot
Got your self kicked by your own boot.
Got your wife’s ghost to haunt you always
Got her girl to write your worst days.
Got your justice now you have gone
Got you Henry! Be gone and be done.


Remedies
By Henry Tudor

Sweet subtleties, Roast meats, Bird and Grease
Poor health will drop you dead with ease.
Plenty to fuel your heart with cruel gruel
Lots to bind your passage behind, you fool.

Humour not, this vile food lot
Water, Fire, Earth and Air
The Apothecary’s fee to test the pee
Let the blood to determine the care.

Rhubarb and liquorice relieves poor digestion
Rosemary and Rue relieves headaches too.
St. John’s Wort and Belladon, Fennel too the fever’s gone
Opium, Hemlock and Mandrake, lots of sleep, then awake.

Lower lust and twitches, Vervain from witches
Don’t sweat and die, though hot you lie
In bed so wet, your remedy get
Use Saffron, Mustard seeds, Herbs and most forlorn
You need to powder the tip of a Unicorn’s horn.

To raise your man from old age ban
Obtain the flower of the thistle power
Globed in shape, in honey do drape
Cook ‘till brown, then enjoy this crown.

Pills and potions, enemas aid motions
Cold seats avoid, and no haemorrhoid.
Eat slow and chew, enjoy well cooked stew.
Leave alone, red meat and bone,
Or accept the place of an early stone.

But I declare the best food and faire
Is what the poor eat, much less meat
No sugary lumps, less heart felt thumps
Less salty taste, less blood to waste.


Not trying to be clever, just wanted to write this stirring tale of murder and hate.
The return of Anne Boleyn from 8 years in France and her fateful appearance in the Masque ball where she played the part of Perseverance alongside her peers, Beauty, Mercy, Pity, Honour, Bounty, Kindness and Constancy. All girls trying to catch the eye of Royal approval and power. The story unfolds into the tragic life and death of this innocent girl who has the last say in producing a Boleyn heir to reign in England, wiping out the Tudor name for her own daughter’s Elizabeth. Long may she reign.

Perseverance
By Henry Tudor

Beauty leads the way, her kin have the final say
Mercy shows her kindly side, as she takes her Knightly ride.
Pity gives a reasoned look, hoping for a Kingly hook
Honour struts her glorious stuff, white neck above her ruff.
Bounty dark and red, nothing left to be said
Kindness, soft and white, keep you happy all the night.
Constancy always there, pale and coy, blonde and fair
Then in came boyish Anne, must be Perseverance.

The white walls of England, not a welcoming hand
Brought her back in case of attack.
She had changed, rearranged, she looked strange
This girl will attract a King, not the done thing.
Promised to Butler, Ormonde, not her mate, no debate
Father needs her life, to become a structured wife.
Now in court, keep a thought, love a nought
Dance and sing, speak and tell, keep your self to yourself.

Now yellow gold with dark brown large eyes, soon attracts ungallant spies
Tells the King about this girl, a bit of fun, no strings to twirl.
The act of Masque will bring her forth, to show the King her Tomboy worth
Life will change for her forever, choose own way, never.
The shine of gold may whet, silk and silver and sarsenet
The throne may lure, the life in store, will help the poor.
Merchant past up-starting fast, not in truth, not aloof
High bred in style, her French compile, leads down the aisle.

Keep him away, for another day, maiden stay
Sister delves into darkness with this cruel strong highness.
Coy, boy, toy, all these tricks you employ
Hook this man, best you can, should have ran.
Now it’s too late, must now mate, stop the hate
Become the next, too complex, watch your necks.
Jewels heaped on person wed, scary place the Royal bed
Try to comply, become soft and ply, help the folk, try.

Promise nought of Royal heir, enemies watch and stare
A boy will seal her fate, nine months the strain to wait.
Red haired and blue eyes, Tudor never disguise
Should be in a whirl, not so, it’s a girl.
One in two, a boy then for you, next time it’ll be fine
Darling girl so full of love, should be enough from above.
But King’s move on, now in vain, with another some girl called Jane
Must a boy deliver or be gone forever.

No, baby dead, enough said, thrown out of Royal bed
Witchcraft and great treason, they’ll create a valid reason.
Cromwell will delve just to prove, the final judgement, head remove
This is her final fate, this history that will create worldly hate.
But now the time has given back the world, a kindly mind
Elizabeth will lead the Boleyn’s fate and become the head of state.
So you hateful, mean and dangerous man, Boleyn’s will reign,
Better than you ever can.
A story so often sought, the act of love became so sadly fraught
Poor Anne Boleyn’s ghost has now become the Royal host.

Elizabeth will relive her Mother’s wish, a better state to accomplish
She will never forget that fateful day when mother went away.
Never forgive this dreadful crime, keep in mind all the time
Never marry evil man, stay alone best she can.
This masque now replayed, Mother’s part not afraid
Tudor way, not today, now plan to be Elizabethan.
End of path, keep your staff, stay pure and strong, this throne you belong
Dally non with beau, they turn, take, hurt and grow.

England’s white walls defend our Queen, our friend
Anne’s final say will keep us safe to this very day.
Her passing was treason itself, the evil doer’s created their own wealth
On the back of this mighty maid, their foundations of hate were finally laid.
Vengeful not our Sovereign’s way, they survived their evil day
But the true story will one day be heard, lovely Anne was murdered.
Royal blessing to this crime, done before, not first time
So thank you maiden fair from France, our Anne, our Perseverance.



The Artichoke
By Henry Tudor

A simple notion of old wives tales
Like curing headaches with boiled snails.
I need to father a son as heir
So find me an elixir going spare.

I will not eat from in the ground
It’s full of muck from cow and hound.
Only in the air and clear from fly
Gladly eat from there, will I.

Now this is what I’ve been told
There is a food to make me bold.
To give me zest and manly ways
To father sons in my autumn days.

But no one else must know this food
Just for me to enhance my mood.
Discovered by some clever folk
They found the good in the Artichoke.

The Globe thistle purple and fine
A royal colour so it’s all mine.
Cut it off below the flower
Bake it with honey for about an hour.

It will increase the level of libido
Make use of Hampton's, mistletoe.
Give much desired manly force
Give me the strength of a stallion horse.

But does it work I hear you think
Well I fathered fourteen, with a wink.
This wondrous flower of which I spoke
The giant globed artichoke.




Living Without Jane (Knowing me Know you reworded)

Wording by Henry Tudor
Music by ABBA

She’s gone, left me always
I’m lost alone these days
Staying in this empty place, how can I live
Is this the end of me now, can I forgive?

Now she’s gone, I’m alone (I am)
And there’s nothing I can do
Now she’s gone and I’m alone (I am)
I must really face it, this time I’m through
(you’re really through, you’re really through)
Letting go is, an impossible end
But I must defend (must defend, must defend)
The memory of Jane, right to the end

Memories, Happy and sad days
She’ll be with me always
In these cold stony rooms, our children could play
Now there’s only emptiness, that’s all I can say.

Knowing me, knowing you (ah haa)
Is this the best that I can do?
It’s up to me, and not to you (ah haa)
There must be something that I can do (I can do)
Now our son needs me so true (ah haa)
Now I must face it, that I’m not quite through
(your not through, your not through)
To keep going is not easy I know
But I will have a go
Knowing me , Knowing you
I’ll do my best for you too.

And now to explain that mis-recorded marriage to Ann of Cleves, who should really be called Anna Von Kleve

Anna Von Kleve
By Henry Tudor

Not quite true, that tale to believe
Of paintings, horses and Ann of Cleve.
Much change by the writers who tell
of large noses,
disappointment and equestrian smell.

The truth is by far more novel,
and gives it a flair
The lady’s quite clever, blue eyed and fair.
King Henry not waiting for she to rest
Arrived the Knight early, to give her a test.

Escaping the labour of Castle of Swan
Misused, poor Anna was slightly at one.
Not knowing who’s Henry, did cause a stir
Deflating his ego was really a slur.

She not courtly dressed for meeting her beau
He not expecting her to not know.
Expounding surprise in his own cruel way
Called her a Horse, which is known to this day.

The truth of the matter will one day be told
How Henry kept this woman, as friend until old.
His new wife he made sister in court
Knowing his error, forgiveness he sought.

Queen Anna stayed English,
and people all cheered
She helped them serenely and
became so revered.

So dear Anna forgive us for libelling you
The story so far is not all that true.
You were the lucky one, please believe
The misunderstood Queen Anna Von Kleve.



What was the Tudor weather really like?

Climate Revelation
By Henry Tudor

Here today, for sullen Nation
I will declare a Revelation.
These facts true and indicate
That Tudors suffered from bad climate.

Long Winters of icy cold
Made one feel very old.
Short Summers of insect infestation
Caused havoc around my nation.

Midges, fleas and molluscs too
Meant hell on earth for me and you.
No clothing light enough to cool
No place to hide, such a fool.

No climate control, nor fridge
No way to escape that midge.
Sport, forget it, too hot to run
Stay indoors and hide, from Sun.

Disease and drought, the heat does cause
So keep fanning about, indoors.
Winter’s here at last we’re free
Out we come, just follow me.

Get the horses ready to ride
No more fleas, come outside.
Drink some cold ale, juice and beer
It’s party time, Winters here.

Summer’s gone we all shout
Winters back, less plague about.
Wear what you like, furs and jewels
For us nobles these are tools.

To show our status and our wealth
Such heavy stuff effects our health.
In Winter months it’s cold enough
For us all to strut our Royal stuff.

So to you my sullen nation
This is my Revelation.
The climates always on the change
Every year a different range.

Long and short, hot and cold
Flood and drought, so be bold.
Remember, in hot climes, there’s fridges
But there’s always been midges.

In winter there’s fire and heaters
Wear all your colours and cold beaters.
Take in your climate and endeavour
To learn to live with your weather.


The Ducking Stool
By Henry Tudor

We all hate and fear witches, Old women in black
They conjure up swarms of Bat’s, to attack.
They mix up their brews and pass them as stews
They poison the sick, and those in the pews.
So we invented a trial, ‘cos we are no fool
We’ll duck them I water, tied to a stool.
If they drown in the water, they’re free to go home
If they survive the deep ducking, the trial is done.
The one’s who live through, this gross implement
Will burn as a witch, ‘cos they’re not innocent.
I know it sounds drastic, both outcomes are death
It’s reasoned that witches can live without breath.
So if you are female, and scared of attack
Don’t mix strange potions, and do not wear black!




Henry’s Conscience
A group song by Ray Irving

Henry------You call me rotten But I don’t care
Crowd……I don’t care, I don’t care
Henry------Sitting there in your plastic chair
Crowd……..I don’t care at all.


Henry-------Most of you are scared to stare
Crowd…….I don’t stare, I don’t care
Henry-------All my laws are not all fair
Crowd……..I don’t care at all.


Henry------Holy Romans I will tear
Crowd…….You will tear, I don’t care
Henry-------Highly coloured I will wear
Crowd……. We don’t care at all.


Henry------I’ll spend your money when and where
Crowd……..when and where, I Don’t care
Henry------I’ll give you none ‘cos I don’t care
Crowd…….We don’t care at all.


Henry-------I’ll steal your wife when your not there
Crowd…….Take her where? We don’t care
Henry-------She’ll be my Queen when you’re not there
Crowd…….We don’t care at all.


Henry-------The French will come but I will scare
Crowd…….He will scare, He does care.
Henry------They will run when I am there
Crowd…….The mighty French will fall.


Henry-------Watch my eyes and be aware
Crowd…..The evil stare, The evil stare.
Henry-------I can be nice, I can be fair
Crowd…….Your not nice at all!



Now get up and dance, here's the steps and a Masque to hide behind.
Click here to download this file

The hire this wonderful duo here's their website
www.tapestryofmusic.musicnw.co.uk

Now folks, I asked my Royal Poet, Alison Taylor to pen me a Royal song for the 21st century. She has mixed the Tudor language of the day with today and incorporated my point of view.

Alison Taylor is the eldest daughter of Henry Tudor, she is a professional advisor and poet.

Henry's Evil Eye
By Alison Taylor

Flick my evil eye upon thee below,
Spread fear unto you now,
Show myself for whom I am,
I am Henry the eighth here and now.


Henry the eighth I am, I am.
No Henry the eighth I really am,
From pillar to post,
I command the most,
From whom I marry,
To whom I carry,
I am Henry the eighth I am.


I demand respect, come bow to me,
Stand there before me daring,
I command your loyalty, show me this,
For before you your king stands baring!

Henry the eighth I am, I am.
No Henry the eighth I really am,
From pillar to post,
I command the most,
From whom I marry,
To whom I carry,
I am Henry the eighth I am.

My many wives, they fell for me,
My vanity, fortune and fame,
They gave their heads for all my life,
Henry he doth play no wedding game!

Henry the eighth I am, I am.
No Henry the eighth I really am,
From pillar to post,
I command the most,
From whom I marry,
To whom I carry,
I am Henry the eighth I am.

Evil ha ha, me? No I showed no mercy,
Upon these women in in name,
They entrusted their life unto these hands,
Only they have theirselves to blame!

Henry the eighth I am, I am.
No Henry the eighth I really am,
From pillar to post,
I command the most,
From whom I marry,
To whom I carry,
I am Henry the eighth I am.

My kingdom is my castle,
My loyal English life,
I am Henry the eighth, I stand above,
Kingsmen,countrymen and wife!

Henry the eighth I am, I am.
No Henry the eighth I really am,
From pillar to post,
I command the most,
From whom I marry,
To whom I carry,
I am Henry the eighth I am.

Come sing to your King of country,
Your majesty insists you belong,
King Henry the eighth I am I am,
Come join in my royal song!

Henry the eighth I am, I am.
No Henry the eighth I really am,
From pillar to post,
I command the most,
From whom I marry,
To whom I carry,
I am Henry the eighth I am.

She sure is a clever girl.

Have the Poet Royal prepare your own verse by visiting her at:
www.write-it-your-way.com/

I know you all love Ann Boleyn and that you think I was mean to her. But here is a song from my point of view.

The Girl was Ann Boleyn
By Henry Tudor

You all think she was fair and true
I’m telling you
That’s not true
She went around with anyone who
Was the devil in disguise.

She’s not all she seems to be
She’s not Maryee
You’re telling me!
She buzzes round like she’s a Bee
The girl with beady eyes

I know now she has to go
To the block
She has to go
The people mock her ‘cos they know
Ann’s a witch in disguise.

She cast a spell on my life
That’s not a wife
Cut like a knife
She stopped my sons and caused me strife
The witch called Ann Boleyn

She left with great dignity
How could I see
Her plea to me
She a left her spell on me
That witch called Ann Boleyn

Now an ode from Catherine of Aragon (Katerina De Aragon)

Why does he treat me this way?
By Henry Tudor

I cannot go back to my own country now
My Parents are gone my life has changed
My husband has cast me aside
I think he must be deranged.

It was so sweet our earlier times
We laughed and played and loved
But Boleyn has taken him away
And under her spell he moved.

Our girl Mary has taken my side
Now that she has been demoted
She hates her father so much
When once she was so devoted.

He has taken my faith away from me too
The Pope will not help me now
I pray each day for some relief
And hope God will show me how.

I live like a poor old lady now
No clothes, no staff, no hope
I know he won’t see me now
I must be strong and cope.

His wife is with child right now
Some hope for me to come
A boy would seal my fate right now
A girl would may get me home.

But I do feel weak and helpless
I do feel I have lost
I cannot again be young for him
The years have had their cost.

I must get over him now
I must make the best of life
My single status starts right now
I no longer am I his wife.

Katerina De Aragon

Then there was poor old Jane Seymour.

A Boy at last
By Henry Tudor

I cannot survive they tell me now
The blood in my body
Has poisoned my soul
I must pray now for my life will end
My son, our son, lives
That’s how it will end.

My Henry he sobs for he loves me so
Our son will give help
Our family will grow
My country will have a future King
This boy will give comfort
The love he will bring.

His Sisters will love him so much
His father will dote
My Edward, our Edward
Will grow and be great
His future is set
There is no fate.

A Mother for only a dozen days
A wife for less than a year
Our son is the fruit of our love
My man’s health I now fear
I cannot stay, I must go now
Goodbye, wipe your tear
Our son will comfort the pain
Your love, your wife, your Jane

Anna Von Kleve

Kleve not Cleves
By Henry Tudor

A Flanders mare!
How does he dare?
His bad reputation
He doesn’t scare.
I’ll still marry him
I don’t care
It is hell here
It’s better there.

He painted us well
My sister and I
He loved her as well
His art it did lie.
Amelia will win
And so will I
She won’t be seen
But I will be Queen.

Her looks will be poor
Mine will be true
I’ll leave this poor life
And I will be new.
The King will choose Ann
Amelia won’t cry
The secret is theirs
Old Hans is so sly.

But all you English
You mustn’t believe
The books that you read
About Ann of Cleve.
Take heed all you students
Don’t pity me
For I know who is
This Anna von Kleve.



Now the traitor, Catherine Howard.


Culpeper’s Destroyed me.
By Henry Tudor

My court saw tears flow for the first time today
My heart broke as I knelt there to pray.
My wife has betrayed me, I’m told to my face
The Howards are all demons, they’ll die in disgrace.
Cuplepper’s destroyed me, he’s taken my wife
I will avenge this, I’ll take his life.

Oh! Catherine why did you take someone new?
I did try my best to excite you.
I gave you my love, I gave you the throne.
Was I so ugly, so cold like stone?
Now you have hurt me, made me cruel
I thought we were real, not just me the fool.

Consider your life over now you have confessed
To die with some dignity would now be best.
Beg me for forgiveness for breaking my heart
I hear your words softly as we finally part
You died with much courage this cold sad day
My heart is still broken as I kneel here and pray.

My Kingdom is saddened by your treasonable ways
I am now bitter and hurtful in my last days.
I cannot forget the way that you lived
I mistrust all friends, I should have forgived.
So Mistress Parr see how you can mend
Not just my poor body but also my mind.


And now for the last of my Queens

Catherine Parr

Parr For The Course
By Henry Tudor

The lady from Kendal has lots to offer
Her skills will make me happy
He company sought after.

Her love will mend fences with my girls and my son
She will bring us together
We will soon become one.

She writes stories and poems, can talk with them all
She’ll make a difference believe me
Opposition is small.

I know she loves Seymour, but that can be changed
Seymour’s not stupid
Power re-arranged.

My children like Catherine, her ways are so warm
She’ll bring them up closer
To keep them from harm.

My days are now numbered, I cannot see far
She may be too clever
This Catherine Parr.

Not only me writing these songs and poems, here's one from the professional writer and my daughter Alison Taylor.
Catherine Howard.

Catherine
By Alison Taylor

1)
Live in peace from your almighty king,
Your majesty stands before you,
Lower your heads, come bow to me,
Your honesty and loyalty bring.

CHORUS

My ladies, my wives, you bring me shame,
You take my royalty and you take my name,
I demand respect, no compromise,
Do you want to live or lose your lives?

2)
Anne of Cleves, you are my friend,
Your loyalty through to our marriage end,
But I love thee not, as much I should,
Oh Jane my love, you knew I could,
Darkest hours I have spent as I mourn my loss,
Your passing, my void ...I bare your cross.

CHORUS

My ladies, my wives, you bring me shame,
You take my royalty and you take my name,
I demand respect, no compromise,
Do you want to live or lose your lives?

3)
Thomas of Norfolk, kneel before me now,
Come tell of your maiden niece,
Speak my Duke of Catherine’s name,
Come join me at my feast.
With wine and dine and royalty name,
My Catherine joined my throne,
Did she love me true, or fact of being queen?
Through these eyes I know what I have seen.

CHORUS

My ladies, my wives, you bring me shame,
You take my royalty and you take my name,
I demand respect, no compromise,
Do you want to live or lose your lives?

4)
Young Thomas, my friend, my confidant,
Councillor Culpepper you loyalty be true,
I hold great esteem for all you say,
Much my actions have come from you.

CHORUS

My ladies, my wives, you bring me shame,
You take my royalty and you take my name,
I demand respect, no compromise,
Do you want to live or lose your lives?

5)
Catherine my love, my wife and my queen,
How distant I feel from thee,
Your closeness, your friendship to the young councillor be noted,
Yet you have stayed attached to me.

You beg for your life, the court hears your plea,
Duke Thomas you stand so to honour me,
Tell your story, of Catherine and her lover,
Whose sordid affair brings down my marital cover,
How dare this be true, she took my name,
My friend, my councillor, he brings me this shame,
My country stands beneath in fear,
Watching me betrayed and shedding this single tear.

CHORUS


My ladies, my wives, you bring me shame,
You take my royalty and you take my name,
I demand respect, no compromise,
Do you want to live or lose your lives?

6)
Thomas Culpepper, you will die in my honourable name,
Your lover, my wife will follow the same,
But you my friend who I trusted the most,
Will take pride of place upon London's post,
Your head, your life will ornament my tower,
My wife, your mistress's head will cower,
My beautiful bridge, my capital city,
So prominent, it is so royally fitting,
To gallery your head, show Catherine your remains,
On her personal funeral committed,
I shall show who doth reigns!

CHORUS

My ladies, my wives, you bring me shame,
You take my royalty and you take my name,
I demand respect, no compromise,
Do you want to live or lose your lives?

7)
Come and see my queen, your lover is dead,
Look high above you; you will see his head,
Do not cry or weep, your future is certain,
Royal block is where your life shall end,
Take one last look at your councillor friend.
Catherine my queen, my wife, my soul,
Your traitorous act has finished my goal,
How dare you bring shame upon my life,
You mocked your husband, your king, you were my wife.
Your death was certain, a noble act,
That sordid affair was a villainous pact.

CHORUS

My ladies, my wives, you bring me shame,
You take my royalty and you take my name,
I demand respect, no compromise,
Do you want to live or lose your lives?

8)
Your Duke, your uncle, he came to me,
Pleaded his life on bended knee,
Proven his loyalty to his king and throne,
Told of Thomas Culpepper, an affair with my own.

From this day forth, I stand above you your majesty the king,
No one will ever disgrace or disrespect anything,
Who ever I so choose to take my bed,
Their loyalty and respect or they will lose their head.

King Henry descends upon my people,
Betrayal causing a lifetime of evil,
My death will be all that saves this beautiful isle,
From a monstrosity anger and rage so futile.



Smells
By Henry Tudor

They all stand there at the old latrine
The stink is vile, there is no screen.
Take it away the Roman’s said
Makes pipes from wood and lead.
Don’t just hope it will go away
Even walls of stone it will decay.
Bury it deep in the land
Now grow more food in the sand.
Use it wisely this waste that’s smelly
Because there’s no need for an empty belly.

The Garter
By Henry Tudor

How do you get upon a horse
You throw over your leg of course.
But not as simple as this doth sound
Do it wrong and hit the ground.

Now here is the right plan for you do
Lift your worst first before the other do
Then throw your best to reach the side
Now my friend you can ride.

Now you know the trick of Knight
Practice hard to get it right.
Next wear armour and try again
But there’s a problem now with pain.

The armour hinges and hits your legs
Cuts it, bruises causing segs.
So wear a strap to help contain
The worst effected part of strain.

To cover the sores and still look good
Wear a garter so you should.
Just one will do there’s no harm
It shows whose Knighted so be calm.

And now we all can identify
Who is a Knight to imply?
They wear one garter on their leg
To hide an ugly black seg.


The fat man
By Henry Tudor

Cardinal red, over fed, full of dread
Hated and despised, heavily criticised
Failed to convince Pope, now with no hope
Run for your life, leave me with this wife
Take care my friend, beware who will defend
Your home is mine, this obvious sign
You are out of luck, deep in the muck.

Time past were good when a team
We ran dear England in a dream
We conquered all who came to see
You always said it was just for me
But now how can I trust a man who fails
To simply rid me of this sharpened nail
Marriage to a brother’s wife
You failed to help me restart my life.

Continue to run my red cloaked friend
Find a hole to hide in to your end
I will search and find your frightened self
Remember the power of my wealth
Cranmer work well behind your screens
No need for you now, it seems
Cromwell takes a mighty part
No God for him to give him heart.

They have become your master’s side
So go now Thomas, go and hide
Don’t expect the people’s aid
They hate you for decisions made
You took their wealth and made them poor
So don’t expect an open door
You can rest a while and save your soul
But my memory long, my vengeance whole.

Goodbye Wolsey, cardinal red, sleep tonight in your bed.

Poisoned Fitzroy
By Henry Tudor

Who can I trust to expel my fears?
That my son Henry had been murdered
Howard’s, cowards all, killed my boy
My pride and my joy.

Marry Mary join our clans and be friends
But no this will never do, where will it end
Bury my son, unmarked and common
I will find out why and summon.

Norfolk will pay dearly, taking away my boy
Tudor, Fitzroy the same boy, my joy
No child, no heir now it is clear
Howard waiting to pounce, last ounce

Find his grave, give him dignity
Punish the men, kill his murderers
Death to Howard’s all, no mercy
Find my boy, find my joy, find him now.

I will avenge this deed, indeed severely
No man will survive in connection
Search their land, deep inspection
Bring him home, find my son.

Chinese Whispers
By Henry Tudor

Travel back five hundred years
To Tudor times filled with tears.
How did they get some human cheer?
Was it just with ale and beer?

No not drink alone did prove
They sang and danced in the groove.
They stepped and bowed to music so
They laughed and joked amongst the flow.

But what about the rest of us?
To get to know the steps a must.
Let the minstrel’s watch and learn by heart
Then come out here and make a start.

Teach us what the King doth sing
Then we will adapt it this thing.
We cannot fit a Hampton dance
Our hall is small, there is no chance.

No recorded dance to emulate
The minstrel’s memory may be late.
So we will try our best to please
By changing words to appease.

When we find the dance that’s new
We’ll send the minstrels over to you.
You can change to suit your hall
Even words to suit your ball.

By the time minstrels return back home
The dance and words have all but gone.
This is how we change our ways
And enjoy our dance for future days.